This is my last full week of radiation!!! I just finished my 28th
radiation treatment and I have 5 more to go; next Monday is my last
day. I'm trying, without success, to come up with ideas of what to do
to celebrate when I no longer need to go to the Cancer Institute
everyday. Back when I was still in Chemo and couldn't imagine the end, I
had this idea that we would throw this HUGE party, but now I am just so
tired that fatigue colors every idea I have.
My burns at this
point are basically awful; I am missing strips of skin. The radiation
oncologist warned me at the beginning that because I am freckled I would
probably burn badly. I wanted to post pictures, but Josh assured me
that you would rather imagine what it looks like. I'm a sci-fi,
action-adventure kind of girl so wounds of any sort are interesting to
me in a sort of clinical war-wound sense. And, in a way, that is what
they are. And, in a way, I am proud of them. Not in a "look at what I
am suffering" martyr syndrome kind of way, but because I am proud of
myself for making it this far in treatment. It's amazing to me what a
person can endure when you feel like you don't have a lot of choice.
Even
if I don't come up with a big party idea, this Christmas feels really
special to me. I can't believe our year, I can't believe I get to
celebrate another Christmas with my family. Jesus, I am so grateful. I
can't help but think about the strips of skin that were ripped from
Jesus' back when they scourged him before hanging him on the cross. My
skin wasn't ripped off, but kind of melted off. It's only a small part
of my total skin that is missing, but he had his whole back scourged. I
can only begin to imagine how painful that was. And yet, knowing what
was coming he still came down, he chose to be born in order to suffer
for us. Jesus, I am so grateful you came anyway. Thanks for being with
me in my suffering.
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