I can’t sleep tonight. I’ve talked and prayed with Josh, I’ve lain in bed for a half an hour after 5mg of melatonin and I can’t sleep.
My hip hurts.
It’s stupid really. I know that I shouldn’t be anxious, being anxious changes nothing. But I have to work to stop my heart from racing. Stupid cancer.
Two years ago, on April 6th I lost one of my breasts to cancer, and tonight I am losing sleep. Lord, have mercy. And then I remember, tomorrow we celebrate that Jesus held a night vigil too, with his friends. I thought, it’s too silly a fear to share with anyone but my husband, but we live it. We live it. The headache that lasted 3 days in February (it did go away on its own), and this stupid hip.
It’s hurt for quite a while now, on an off again for over a year, two maybe? I’ve tried tying it to
my monthly cycle for an ovarian cyst or to constipation, but it’s getting worse so it’s time to call the oncologist. I’m sure that it is just one of those two things but I’m only 2/3s sure and that 1
in 3 is pushing my trust, again, in God and in my hope for a future raising my kids. I tell myself worrying changes nothing, and, even if it’s my cancer come back, cancer in your bones is the best kind to have, it kills you really slowly, but there’s still this visceral fear in my gut. I remember to relax my forehead, again.
So, wait with me? I don’t want to unnecessarily worry you but I know that some of you pray for
me. I’m sure it will take a while to get in to see my oncologist and then even if he orders more tests, more waiting but I could use a friend.
My hip hurts.
It’s stupid really. I know that I shouldn’t be anxious, being anxious changes nothing. But I have to work to stop my heart from racing. Stupid cancer.
Two years ago, on April 6th I lost one of my breasts to cancer, and tonight I am losing sleep. Lord, have mercy. And then I remember, tomorrow we celebrate that Jesus held a night vigil too, with his friends. I thought, it’s too silly a fear to share with anyone but my husband, but we live it. We live it. The headache that lasted 3 days in February (it did go away on its own), and this stupid hip.
It’s hurt for quite a while now, on an off again for over a year, two maybe? I’ve tried tying it to
my monthly cycle for an ovarian cyst or to constipation, but it’s getting worse so it’s time to call the oncologist. I’m sure that it is just one of those two things but I’m only 2/3s sure and that 1
in 3 is pushing my trust, again, in God and in my hope for a future raising my kids. I tell myself worrying changes nothing, and, even if it’s my cancer come back, cancer in your bones is the best kind to have, it kills you really slowly, but there’s still this visceral fear in my gut. I remember to relax my forehead, again.
So, wait with me? I don’t want to unnecessarily worry you but I know that some of you pray for
me. I’m sure it will take a while to get in to see my oncologist and then even if he orders more tests, more waiting but I could use a friend.
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