6 Weeks of Chemo

By Stephanie Sanders — Jul 31, 2011 10:00pm I have 6 weeks left of Chemo, which isn't so depressing today because I am not quite so tired.  It has been hard to consider how much time I still have left. Taxol & etc. has been a much "easier" ride than my previous Chemo drugs mostly because I don't have any nausea except on the day of my infusion.  The major side effects so far have been extreme fatigue (on Thursdays I have a hard time even getting out of bed) and low blood counts of hemoglobin and white blood cells. I still have a sinus infection/cold after 12 weeks from having a depressed immune system.

I don't know how to write sometimes about this journey. It seems that everything has more than a tinge of depression to it.  I feel fatalistic.  Last week at the Oncologist's office we talked about treatment in terms getting through the next 2 years without having the cancer show back up in my organs or bones. Will anything ever feel "normal" again?  Every night when I go to bed and the house is quiet and dark I go to battle with my fear.  I don't fear death so much as leaving life unfinished, of leaving my children without a mother, of stranding Josh with a burden too great to bear.

Speaking of Josh, we will get to celebrate 8 years of marriage on Tuesday with a day at the Cancer Center.  I know!  A romantic get away for two :).  Dinner is even being brought to us from someone from Church!  I have been too tired to cook and grateful for all the help in people bringing meals for the family. 

My in-laws are coming from Ohio sometime on Wednesday to visit and help for almost a week. The kids are really looking forward to Grandma & Grandpa coming and it gives my mom & sister a break from helping out.  Josh is going to take Friday off so that everyone, except me, will head out to the beach for a break from cancer land.  I miss being able to do things as a family, to be able have fun like that with my kids, but I'm also looking forward to being able to rest quietly at home.

6 more weeks of Chemo. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.