I've been doing really well, honest. It's just been crazy this past
couple of months. Have you ever been in a time like that? Full of
craziness and miracles?
It all started with Josh job schedule getting
nuts. See, we have always known that this current job is for the
duration of building the bridges they have been working on, and the
completion of the project was supposed to be end of 2014. Then this
summer they decided if they pushed, they could finish early and the end
date became summer 2014, then the spring and Josh was working crazy
hours.
I visited my Oncologist (cancer doctor) in August for a check
up, six months since my crazy brain scan that turned out to be an inner
ear issue and scared us so much. I have been feeling great and full of
energy, so it was a good appointment, but ended on a funny note: a
conversation about my fertility.
Josh and I always wanted a HUGE
family, and no, four kiddos is not big to us. We're talking Duggar
family big, Cheaper By the Dozen big, we don't fit in a mini-van any
more big. And well, four kids, just isn't that big in our minds.
Enter
cancer and our entire family plan went out the window. The kind of
chemotherapy I had destroys fertility for the majority of patients
30-45. I missed my periods for 1 year and technically entered menopause
just after my 34th birthday when all of a sudden my fertility returned.
I am now 35 but from the chemo is it more like my body is about to turn
46 instead of 36. So, the chances of our getting pregnant are minute
even if we were trying, but my doctor wanted to cover the grounds of
"Why getting pregnant is a BAD idea!" See all the pregnancy hormones
would only go to one breast instead of two and since we have no idea why
I got breast cancer.
Fine, no trying to get pregnant for us. But,
really, it's not like we could really get pregnant anyway so if Josh's
schedule is crazy and we aren't that careful it isn't a big deal. Yeah.
Three
weeks into September I had to call back Doctor Cho and talk about a
positive pregnancy test. Which although he was not very happy with me
is kinda a miracle huh?
The hardest thing for me about our cancer
diagnosis has always been missing Katie's first year. I wasn't the one
holding her and loving her, I don't remember when she walked and no one
wrote it down, and there are almost no pictures. Getting pregnant again
was has felt a little like redemption.
Meeting with an
obstetrician at 6 weeks gestation was an eye opener. I think
"termination of pregnancy was mentioned at least 5 times". My risk of
miscarriage was high, my risk of heart failure from the stress of
pregnancy is high from the chemo damage, my risk of re-occurrence or
getting a new breast cancer is higher from the pregnancy and on and on.
Doesn't make me want the baby any less, thank you very much, but it was
eye opening how much pressure there was to consider an abortion.
And, I did hemorrhage November 1st.
No,
this wasn't a little bleeding episode: "sub-corionic hemorrhage" for me
was 1/2 to a pint of blood inside 5 minutes. If miracle #1 was getting
pregnant in the first place, miracle #2 was going to the emergency room
and the baby still having a heart beat. Miracle #3 was not loosing the
baby over that next week.
I bleed for 3 weeks total and was put on
"light duty" by the OB-fetal specialist we went to see at 12 weeks
gestation. Miracle #4 seeing my baby for the first time and watching it
jump and turn inside even though I couldn't even feel him/her moving
yet.
December 6th was my 2 year anniversary from my last treatment,
the day doctors count as the marker for risk assessment. The type of
breast cancer I had combined with my age put me at a 1 in 3 to 1 in 2
risk of having my cancer come back terminally in the first 5 years after
treatment, but the 2 year mark is really the golden number, it's when
the risk of re-occurrence stops climbing and starts to fall finally.
Every visit to the oncologist is marked by talking about living to that
magic date, "when you get to 2 years out", "if you can make it to 2
years..."
Miracle #5: December 6th, 2013; 15 weeks pregnant and
cancer free. I am grateful on so many levels. Every other week I meet
with other young women cancer survivors and am painfully aware of how
many wonderful young women are facing their two year cancerversary
already having their cancer return.
So, I thought this weekend would be a great time to say, "We are having a BABY!" and, "Woot! Woot! Still cancer-free!"
What
a season of miracles! And, the great part is that we get to look
forward to so many more. This is also the season of Advent, waiting for
the celebration of Jesus' birth at Christmas, and as our family waits
for the Christ Child, we are also eagerly awaiting news of a new job.
Josh's last day got bumped up again to December 20th and we look forward
to seeing how are prayers are answered for a new job. We are also
awaiting the news December 30th, not only of the gender of our new baby,
but of the blood clot in my uterus having broken up and the placenta
having moved to a better position (it was laying completely on top of my
cervix).
But, even if we celebrate Christmas unemployed, we still
get to celebrate; and even if the placenta is still in a dangerous
position, both I and the baby are here to be put on bed rest, so,
Hallelujah!! What a miracle.
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