My Ode to a Node

By Stephanie Sanders — Jan 20, 2012 1:56am

Ode to a life where the lymph node left behind doubled in size in the past 2 weeks (I see the surgeon on Tuesday to make a plan). 
 or

An Ode to a Node
Another sleepless night, another night
without Your robe,
a hem, a touch of
wool between my fingertips.

I know You promise eternal life but why,
why won’t You promise me eternal earth,
-a full measure of days to spend where I
have loved so hard?

Is it that You mean for me to know
Your agony in the garden,
the endless night of waiting
for the Father’s will be done in death?



Will I weep blood and sweat out my sorrow
at having gone too soon?


O’ world don’t attempt to pacify me with empty platitudes when you can’t
make good on your promise of healing. 

You can’t cut a hole in the roof of the hospital and lower me in and
expect me to walk out whole. 

I need more
than just to hear that my sins are forgiven,I need to
take up my mat and walk instead of
suffering yet again at the hands of many physicians.

Why can’t I beg You like a child
and know,
promise
that You will give me my heart’s desire?

How will I know that You have heard me when I cry?

Where is my rainbow? 

The rain is falling and I can’t see Your face.