Thursday, November 13, 2014

Gratitude

I don’t know how many of the people who read my blogs are Christians, especially since I talk about God so much, and, well, I’m going to do it again; but I hope in my writing about God you get a sense of how real God is to me and how close we are and how close you could be to him.  I didn’t start out that way, I wasn’t born into a Christian family, and I remember what my life was like without God in it.  That’s one of the reasons I talk about God so much, I remember how hungry I was for some meaning, something lasting to take hold of me.

In the Bible, if you read the Gospels, the books Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, you can discover a little secret to having a miracle transform your life.  It’s not that the secret is not profound, it’s just simple; it’s not small change, but revolutionary.  If you look, and look closely, you will discover that before miracles, especially miracles of transformation, Jesus gives thanks. 
That’s it.  The secret is gratitude.  Thanksgiving.
And then, miracles happen.  

Five loaves and two fish feed thousands, a man is raised from the dead, and the Eucharist, the big THANKSGIVING of Jesus’ giving his body and blood.  From the first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 11, “23For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, 24and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, ‘This is my body that is for you.  Do this in remembrance of me.  25In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood.  Do this, as often as you drink it, in
remembrance of me.’”

Just before I was diagnosed, before I even found the lump, I felt God was leading me to memorize these verses from the letter of Saint Paul to the Philippians, chapter 4, “4Rejoice in the Lord always.  I say it again: rejoice!”  And then the recipe: “5Your kindness should be known to all.  The Lord is near.  6Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.”  The promise: “7Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
After treatment my spiritual director asked me to memorize and meditate on 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19, “16Rejoice always.  17Pray without ceasing.  18In every circumstance give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.  19Do not quench the Spirit.”
I had always read that part as sort of a laundry list, not a recipe for joy, but it is.  And, in the inverse is true, when we don’t give thanks we actually shut out miracles and the divine from our lives.  We quench, extinguish the Spirit of God from transforming our lives.

So, I have challenged myself as a matter of course to be grateful in all circumstances, for all circumstances.  To look, to hunt, for the moments of the divine in my ordinary life, in my ordinary doings so that they can be transformed into something extraordinary.


What I was thankful for yesterday, April 5th:
1.      My mom was able to watch my kids while I had my MRI.
2.      The morning passed quickly filled with good things with the kids: schooling, a puzzle, coloring; all the mom things: laundry and dishes and cooking.3.      I had frozen some soup last month when there was extra that I could pull out for dinner for the kids4.      A friend gave me a ride and we had a great talk together.5.      Josh was able to get off from work to be with me.6.      A kind attendant to bring me back to the MRI area.I had been frustrated in the past with my two breast MRIs, the techs would ask if I wanted to listen to music during the scan but couldn’t get in the local Christian radio station and the machine was so loud that I couldn’t hear anything but the noises anyway.  Josh and I had talked about this in the waiting room before they took me back to get changed, about how much I wished that I could be hearing songs about God while I was in the machine.  During radiation while on the table I would pray, especially the Divine Mercy prayers, but MRIs are so much longer that it’s hard to lie still in an uncomfortable position and still pray, especially when you don’t feel well. 7.      The tech was this young guy, same story, they don’t get in 107.9 but then he said, “Hey, is that the Christian radio station?”  I remarked, yes, and then he pulled out his I-pad.  He was tech savvy enough to get the music streamed into my headphones and young enough to know I wouldn’t mind
a little hearing loss in order to hear the music.  I got to hear songs about God through the whole procedure.
8.      Even when the machine got really loud and would drown out the song, I would sing it to myself and just when I couldn’t remember the lyrics the machine would quiet down just enough for me to hear.
9.      Answered prayer that even though the tech was skeptical that the images would turn out with my braces, after changing the position of the scan, all the images were perfect, perfectly clear.
10.  After I came out and had changed, Josh showed me how a friend had blessed us.  They knew that these things take a long time, and then you’re waiting around for the results, so they blessed us with some money to buy dinner out. 11.  I was with Josh when the doctor called.
12.  NO NEW CANCER!
13.  Hope that the solution to my headaches and vertigo will be simple. 14.  My mom for watching our kids.
15.  Friends to call and text with the good news. 16.  People who prayed for us.
17.   My kids didn’t fight going to bed when I was so exhausted.
18.  StarCraft Expansion Set
19.  Our bed, a wedding gift from my grandmother, still so comfortable almost 10 years later
20.  Melatonin to help me fall asleep

I’m already writing on my list for today, counting my blessings.  It changes you to do it, to look at life like that.  I have a headache and am dizzy, but I am so grateful.  Why? ‘Cause it’s not terminal.

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