Part of the reason I blog on this website is for myself, I
really enjoy writing. I always have, and
I get a lot out of putting my thoughts onto paper, well, virtual paper. The other piece is that I want to help people
to understand both what it is like, from my perspective, to experience a cancer
diagnosis as a young adult (as opposed to the 60+ crowd who are diagnosed), to
educate people about cancer in general and breast cancer specifically, and to
give a glimpse at the hope that I experience even in the midst of hard times
because I know the love of Jesus.
Apparently I suck at this because every time I write about
an issue surrounding my frustrations with other people I get a lot of back
lash.
Since trying to be funny wasn’t funny to some people I’m going to try a different approach. Josh
& I use the slang, Cancerland, a lot to describe our life and I was thinking about it this morning and thought it might actually make a good metaphor, so here goes:
When a person gets diagnosed with cancer it is like being sucked against your will into a parallel universe called Cancerland. Just the news that you no longer get to live in the Normal-verse is traumatizing. You now live and function alongside everyone you interacted with before in the Normal-verse, but you are forced through complete immersion to speak a different language, learn different customs and participate in a separate culture, all of which is traumatizing.
People have studied this separate universe, Cancerland, and specialize in navigating it. These
people tell you if you don’t learn everything you need to know fast enough or well enough, completely change your life to live there, and participate in the customs (all of which make you sick and tired and hurt) then you will die.
But even if you do all of those things you might die anyway.
At the age of 33.
Leaving your husband bereft and your small children motherless.
This is traumatizing.
Now that you speak another language of I Might Die At A Young Age and use words like: cancerversary, tumor profile, new normal, NED, scanxiety, no one from the Normal Universe can understand you. In fact, sometimes when you talk, people look at you as if you are scary and unintelligent and think you are abnormal. Everyone you meet in Cancerland has some level of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from their life there and are sick, trying not to get sick, recovering from being sick, dying or trying not to die. But, just when you need to talk to people the most, the Normal-verse doesn’t understand you. This just adds to your PTSD as you continue to realize that you can’t go back to the Normal-verse. You can learn coping skills to better interact with people from the Normal-verse but you don’t ever get to return there. Some people, those who don’t die
from their life in Cancerland, learn to live there and actually do very well in this alternate universe. But it’s a heck of a transition.
Does this metaphor at all make sense? That it is exhausting to be misunderstood and mistreated when I am already tired?
What I am not trying to say:
I am not saying that I hate people or am angry. I am not saying I don’t want to see family or friends. I really do appreciate every person who tries to understand my life and how I have changed. I am just trying to figure out my way in a universe that doesn’t make sense, with a language few around me speak.
(If you want another person's take on it: http://www.salon.com/2011/12/13/how_to_talk_to_someone_with_cancer/singleton/ )
No comments:
Post a Comment