Embracing Insecurity

Most people fight insecurity. Avoid it at all costs.

What happens when insecurity is unavoidable?

Six years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer out of the blue. I had no risk factors: I was a healthy weight, nursed 4 babies, used a natural deodorant and ate organic food. Being diagnosed with cancer in my early 30s turned my life upside-down. 

How do you embrace insecurity? Impossible.

In all of my dreams for my life I was sure I would get another 50+ years to figure life out. Facing the very real possibility of my death from cancer left me insecure about my future. I was young. I was sure I had decades to make a difference.

What if I only had today?

Now, six years later, I still feel that insecurity. My treatment for cancer saved my life but damaged my heart. What if I only had today to love my husband and kids? What if my heart gave out? What if I only had today to enjoy the weather? What if I only had today to enjoy my two year old’s silly faces, my kindergartener’s two front teeth growing in, and my older children’s laughter?

I’ve spent much of the last six weeks single parenting while my husband works hard on a joint project with another company away from home. Life with five kids and no spouse? I’m tired.

This morning I woke to the reality my husband was still in Boston on business and I was it: the adult home needing to handle all the details to get five kids up and out the door. I had a choice. I wanted to bury myself under the covers and hit the snooze. Even making a cup of coffee felt like too much.

In that moment I received a gift of grace: I looked at what could be my last day on earth.

Insecurity? Maybe.

Would I choose to spend my last day grumbling about my husband being gone? The trash needed to be taken out? I would need to make my own coffee (tragic I know). There would be no one walking alongside me in waking the kids, helping three girls with their hair, driving them to school.

But that’s not reality either. This morning I woke up to God.

God was with me when I woke up “alone”. God helped me to remember I have no guarantee of the future. God helped me to see living in the gift of today is a choice.

As a future oriented person with two major health diagnosis it might be easy to focus on the negative. I have little control over weather I live to see tomorrow. What if that was a gift instead of a loss?

What if I woke everyday saying, “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it?” 

What if I woke saying that Bible verse whether my husband was home to help me or not? What if I woke to that verse even if I was up until 10:30 last night with three separate kid’s ridiculous requests? (Apparently if you join your sister in bed she still shouldn’t be touching you. Who knew?) What if I woke with a song on my heart even if my two year old added in a nightmare and calling for me last night?

What if my day’s joy had nothing to do with how tired I am? What if today’s joy was not contingent on my tomorrow?

Embrace the insecurities of life. Learn to live with the future by living in the moment. It is, in fact, the only moment you are guaranteed.

What Bible verses, famous quotes or sayings help you to be grateful or joyful for your day?

3 Steps To Get Beyond Fear of the Future

Before my cancer diagnosis I would never have called myself a fearful person. But it has been at the back of my mind trying to ride me.

 

Deep inside we feel the certainty that fear and anxiety is not a state God intended us to live in. But how do you shake it?

There are clues hidden inside Proverb 31:25, “Clothed in strength and dignity, she laughs without fear of the future.”

Let’s take it apart. Here are 3 steps to help you get beyond fear of the future so you can live fully alive:

     1. Clothed In strength.

What does it mean to be clothed in strength?  Where do you find strength when you have none?

My strength doesn’t come from within me. In fact, there are times I don’t possess any strength at all. Lots of people would comment when I went through cancer treatment, especially with little kids. “You are so strong,” they’d say.

It wasn’t me.

My strength comes from knowing God loves me. God loves me more than my love for all my children put together. More than all the mothers in the world love their children. I can lean into God’s strength to get through the day when I have none.

If you don’t feel like God loves you, that’s okay. Tell him. God is big enough to handle your feelings. Even the ugly ones. Even fear and anxiety and anger. Even when you feel like God has betrayed you.  

Tell God how you feel. Make space for God to answer.

Jesus’ response might surprise you.

      2. Clothed In dignity.

      From where does our worth come? What does it mean to carry our dignity?

Colossians 3 took over as one of my favorite sections of the Bible recently. Verse 12 says, “God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved.”

My worth doesn’t come from my ability to get out of bed in the morning. My worth  

doesn’t come from what I do in day. Nor does it come from any super power I might 

possess.

My worth, my dignity comes as a gift because God gave it to me. God made me worth 

something. The God of the universe decided I was worth loving. No one can render 

Jesus’ words void.

Ask God to show you that he loves you.  

Struggling with depression once, I knew God existed but I didn’t think he loved me. So I asked Jesus to show me that he loved me. 

 All of a sudden I noticed the beautiful blues and purples that shaded the sky as it darkened into night. I felt a whisper in my soul, “I created this color because I know how much you love it.”

 Ask the Creator of the universe to show you he loves you. And he will.

 3. Laugh.

 You just can’t manage to be truly, deeply worried and belly laugh. Try it. I dare you.

When was the last time you laughed until the muscles in your face or side hurt? Sometimes we have to work harder to find joy. There’s a reason that it was called “a sacrifice of praise,” in the Old Testament part of the Bible.

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones. 

If you find yourself in a season of life where it’s hard to lift up your spirit find help. A funny show. A comedy movie. Comedian Jeanne Robertson is clean humor. If you don’t mind a small bit of swearing I recommend the late John Pinnet. (The first time I saw him I laughed so hard I had to have my husband stop the video so I could breathe.)

When you find yourself fearing the future it’s time to go to Jesus who can help. Lift up your cares. List all the gifts in your life. Find your worth in what God says about you. Laugh.

What have you had recently to laugh about or find joy in?