Finding Strength When You Have None

The Lord turned to him (Gideon) and said, “Go with the strength you have.”

~Judges chapter 6, verse 14, 

  the Bible (NAB)

Recently I've been struggling with stepping out in a new direction for my life.  Somehow I think that turning 39 tomorrow disqualifies me from starting a career writing.   

My best qualifications weren’t earned in a university or on the floor working at a major publisher or magazine.  

How exactly am I to find the strength to step in a new direction when I have none?

Hard to believe five bio children and an adoption of a teen from foster care are good for a biography.  Add “breast cancer and heart failure survivor in my 30s” to my resume.  Professional qualifications for sure.

During the Asheville Christian Writer’s Conference one of the speakers, Vonda Skelton, spoke on stepping out when God calls you in a new direction.  Many times when people speak of Gideon from the Bible book of Judges it’s to mock him for cowardice.  Vonda had a different persective.

She opened Gideon’s story with his history.  He lived during hard times; he had a hard life.  It wasn’t as if his family, indeed the entire people of Israel where hiding for nothing.  When the Midianites would come through they would raze everything, “They (the Midianites) came into the land to lay it waste. (Judges 6:5 NAB)”

When an angel from God came to talk with Gideon he was hiding for a good reason.  Starvation is a powerful motivator and Gideon was threshing his family’s wheat.  He had every reason to fear.  The entire nation of Israel could not find the strength to defeat Midian.

The angel greeted Gideon not with, “God is with you, mighty farmer!”  Or if God liked Gideon so much, “You rock, amazing thresher of wheat!”

But, “God is with you, mighty warrior,” or in some translations, “O Champion!” 

 

Uh, sorry?

It isn’t somehow shocking Gideon is confused.  To whom exactly is the angel talking?  It’s not self-effacing for Gideon to say, “Yeah, not so much.  My family aren’t warriors and I’m the weakest member of my family.  Are you sure you have the right guy?”

Angelic suggestions aside, what was God thinking asking me to write?  If you find me at home during the day I have good reason to be there.  Hello, 5 children with one (adoption) on the way.  I’m not hiding.  Exactly.

It’s just that I don’t feel up for the task.  Oh sure, I love to write.  And yeah, I get really passionate about helping people.

But really, God, why aren’t you calling someone more qualified?  Someone stronger.  More put together.

But, “The Lord turned to him (Gideon) and said, ‘Go with the strength you have…It is I who send you.’”

Go with the strength I have.  

God sees me.  God sees that I have a weak heart and extensive scars from cancer.  God sees my life at home with the kids.  Jesus isn’t calling me out so I fall flat on my face.  

Jesus is calling me in love to step out of my comfort zone.  I know health issues and big family and laundry.  The world of writing?  Not so much.

God is okay with my weakness.  More than that, Jesus wants to use my weaknesses to show the world that he loves them.  In my weakness God is strong.  

Ask God for help when you are afraid.  Fear is a powerful motivator.  Courage can be hard to find.  The phrase “take courage” or “take heart” means we have to grab ahold of it.  Let anxiety bubble up so those bubbles can burst in the presence of Jesus who loves us while we are still a mess.

Let God call you out into an unknown adventure.  Go in the strength you have and let God handle the rest.

Where is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone?

5 Ways to Survive & Thrive During Lent

My Lenten Reflection

On my forehead yesterday at church I was marked.  “You are dust and to dust you will return,” was spoken. 

It’s about impossible to not have my thoughts return to traveling Lent with cancer.  (Lent is a period of time in the winter/spring before Easter.)  

Because 6 years ago today I found a lump breastfeeding my baby, Kate.  

 Here are 5 things I learned to survive & thrive during Lent:

5.  Take care of those you love

     What extra thing can you do this Lent to show those you love that you really do 

     care about them?  People love to hear about and do random acts of kindness, 

     and those are lovely. 

     But what deliberate act of love can you chose to show the love of Christ to 

     your family or friends?

4.  Take care of your body

     Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.  Consider as your Lenten penance a  

     shift in your perspective of your body more this way and act accordingly. 

     It’s one thing to give up an overindulgence.  It’s quite another thing entirely to 

     NOT take good care of yourself.  When was the last time you went to the  

     dentist/optometrist/had a physical?  Or took a quiet walk on a tree-lined street?

     What steps can you take to take care of the body you were entrusted with?

3.  Take care of your mind

     

     Has negative thinking crept into your mind?  Make a note and keep a tally of 
     every time you complain, even to yourself.  Do you mentally put yourself down? 

     Philippians chapter 4, verse 8 (the Bible) says we are to think of whatever is: 
     true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, excellent, or worthy of praise.   
     Why?  So that we are thinking of things that lift us up and give us joy. 

     What steps can you take to be transformed by renewing your mind?  Find a 
     positive saying or Bible verse to place where you will see it often.

     

2.  Take care of our soul

     

     When I was diagnosed with cancer during Lent 6 years ago pretty much I 
     didn’t do any self-care.  You know, those things we do that nurture our 
     own soul. 

     It’s a great thing to live an unselfish life.  But we can’t live entirely for others or 
     we have no life, no joy to continue to give. 

     If you have some major life change happening right now, don’t add anything 
     new to your spiritual or emotional to-do list. 

     Focus instead on: how can I live these next 40 days in the very best possible 
     way?  How can I find joy moment to moment?  How can I react well to my 
     changing situation? 

     Are there steps you can take to nurture your soul so you are in the best place 
     possible to respond to life and God’s calling?

     

1.  Take care of your heart

  

What is the general state of your emotions today?  That Lenten season 6 years ago I was a hot mess.  My emotions swung wildly but mostly in the negative direction.

It felt impossible to “let the peace of Christ control your heart” (Col 3:15 NAB).

 
     Looking back at those 
     moments where I did find peace 
     I realize a couple of things.  One is those peace-filled moments were preceded 
     by pouring out my fear, anxiety and grief out to God.  

     Only when I was empty could I be filled with peace.  I need a quiet place where 
     I know I have time and no interruptions before I can feel those deep emotions. 

     What steps can you take to empty your heart so it can be filled? 

    

       

What are your ideas for having a great Lenten season?

Finding The Hope To Dream Again After A Cancer Diagnosis

 “A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

My last post I talked about there being No Safe Dreams, cancer diagnosis or not.  We, each and every one of us, will spend our lifetimes coming to terms with our mortality. 

Getting diagnosed with cancer as a young adult just necessitates taking a lifetime of learning and cramming it into, say, 2 months of time. 

Finding hope is difficult in that place.  Finding the hope to dream again after a cancer diagnosis takes a lot of hard internal work.  And something bigger than yourself, something greater than better physical health, to hope in.

And therein lies the problem.  Getting diagnosed with cancer is a psychological trauma on top of the physical one.  Many young adults don’t feel sick, not “I’m dying” sick, when they are diagnosed so the words coming out of the mouth of your physician feel like they are coming out of left field.

When I saw my doctor start to cry as I held my four month old in my arms;  as heard the words, “You have cancer,” come out of his mouth my dreams for my life, what I had hoped for my life, crumbled around me.

And died.

I was in my early 30s.  Yes, of course I knew accidents happen.  But who dreams for an early death?  It was reasonable for me to expect decades more.  Decades.  Not praying to live to make it to the 2 year mark so that there was a better chance to live 5 more years.  Not praying to live to 35 and then 40.

That death makes the heart sick.  Cancer and dead dreams make a toxic combination.  So many, too many, young survivors are on medications.  Not for their cancer treatment.  But for the treatment of broken dreams.  Learning to dream again after a cancer diagnosis feels impossible.

I’m not somehow immune to this.  I’ve looked into the eyes of my young children and thought, “I must be such a bad mom that God doesn’t even want them to be old enough to remember me.”  And cried.  I can’t count how many times.

How do you dream again after a cancer diagnosis?

It starts with being honest with yourself about your feelings.  Pushing them down into a pot and putting a lid on it only means they will boil over when you least expect it.  Take the time, make the space to feel.

With little, and not so little kids now, it can be tough to make the space.  It’s worth it.  You are worth it.  Shut the door to your bedroom and put music on so no one can hear you.  Take a solitary walk somewhere; I often walk my neighborhood (We have great trees. And owls!).  And then find the courage to tell God how you feel.

If you are mad, tell Him.  If you are afraid, tell God.  If you have children then sometime you’ve had the experience of having a little one crawl into your lap and ask you a question, when what you really hear is, “Do you love me?”  I’ve had my 11 year old son get really mad at something I’ve said, seen in his eyes my words were misunderstood.  Somehow things inside him got twisted and in my correction he became afraid I didn’t love him anymore.

If we as parents aren’t put off by our children asking, “Do you love me?”  why would God?  Be a little child and take the risk to ask, “God do you hate me?  Are you mad at me?  Am I a bad mom?”

Just knowing God is listening will start a trickle of hope.  Hearing God answer that he loves you will bring a waterfall of hope and new life.  As a woman that’s a literal statement because hoping God loves me makes me cry.  Those tears can water the life, the future God has for you. 

 
If your dreams for your future are dead?  Good.  Jesus knows a bit about resurrection. Jesus working a miracle on your behalf grows that tree of life.  Of hope.  Let God resurrect the dreams that will be the best for you.  The most joy.  The most, best of everything.

Maybe I’m not physically where I dreamed I’d be pushing 40.  Nobody dreams of amputation, scars and heart failure.  But there is more joy where I am than I could have ever imagined as well. 

What dreams do you think God could be bringing back into your life?  This blog (writing) is one of mine.